Van Halen... JUMP! 1984

In the early to mid 80's our house didn't have cable TV. Not even close. There we only three houses on our entire street. So even when cable TV was branching out to more areas, our street was a low priority for years. How my brothers lived without Mtv through highschool escapes me. Although, I'll get to this when I go through my H.S. years, how Mtv was in the 90's was vastly different than what you see it as today.

Back to my house growing up. A house without cable TV must greatly rely on VHS tapes, rented or self recorded. The label on a certain VHS tape was an orange post-it note with no adhesive, so it was Scotch taped to the video cassette. It was clearly labeled as the Van Halen Video for Jump! I figure one of my brother's friends taped it for one of them. I should probably ask to see if they remember.

I watched this video over and over. Eddie Van Halen played BOTH the guitar and keyboards in the song. I didn't think that was possible! They jumped in sync, it looked like they were having so much fun on stage. Everyone in the band was smiling. Happy rock!? I loved it!



My brothers in Defiance covered that song too. Mike taught me how to play the first five or so notes on his keyboard. I thought I was a rockstar at that point. Two fingers, not unlike "chopsticks" combined with the lowest key on the keyboard.

After Led Zeppelin broke up, people have said "there will never be another Led Zeppelin." I think Van Halen was the Led Zeppelin of the 80's. Flashy frontman, guitarist with pizzaz, killer drummer & bass player. I mean these guys were HUGE.

The album 1984 had WAY more hits on it than Jump. It also featured Panama, Hot For Teacher, and countless others. Everyone knows of record sales. Gold is a half million sales, platinum is for a million sales. Diamond is the 10 million mark. In 1999, VH's 1984 hit the diamond mark.

Eddie Van Halen single-handedly changed the guitar industry. Suddlenly old "vintage" guitars were worthless. Everyone wanted guitars with more frets and a huge Floyd Rose Whammy bar! Many lesser known guitar companies took advantage of this, while the big wig Fender and Gibson stagnated in quality and design. Word is you could pick up a 1950's Fender or Gibson for only a couple hundred dollars... in today's market those same guitars are worth hundreds of thousands. Thus started the "wanker-generation" of guitar players that wouldn't die until Kurt Cobain and Nirvana almost a decade later.

Love him or hate him, Eddie Van Halen is one of the best guitar players EVER. He revolutionized the way we play guitar, and expanded the possibilities of what can be done on a guitar. Don't believe me? Watch this. Custodians became in demand because of all the drool left behind to be mopped up at local concert stadiums!

1984 "Lights Out"... establishing a pecking order

Lights Out - Peter Wolf

Peter Wolf's "Lights Out" was a big hit in 1984. Unluckily, when you are the youngest sibling of four - it doubles as an excuse to to prank your little brother. "Lights Out" became what they sing when pulling someone's hat down over their eyes. Although I have memories of Tommy, Mike and Amy doing this to me (and eachother for that matter) I can still hear Mike singing "Lights Out" in my head.

The act of pulling someone's hat over their eyes was a total kid's pecking order establishment. It was something simple you could do to someone short of making fun of them or even worse beating them up. Totally harmless. It is sort of humiliating and funny at the same time. While it's always been popular to do this sort of act (especially among boys), now there was a theme song for it! The first time, the prank funny to everyone involved. The second time, the victim grins as if he/she should have known it was coming. By the third and fourth time, the victim is greatly peeved.

Humans are not the only animals to do this. Deer spar, elephants have pushing contests, and kids prank each other. Butts of a prank establish a pecking order among kids. I didn't make these rules, but I was forced to live by them. Getting away with it unscathed put you higher in the pecking order. Blocking an attempt, etc. possibly prevents you from other (and possibly worse) pranks in the future. This is right around the time you had to pick teams using the "eenee meenee miney mow" scheme. And you are NOT IT! I was no bully by any means, but in my circles I did what was necessary to not be the runt.

Aside from the social connotations to my childhood, revisiting this song is still kind of fun. The beat has a feel-good energy to it. I do however wonder what exactly this song was written about. "Lights out" in terms of my already wired imagination still doesn't provoke any visual images other than pulling someone's hat down... the permanent effects of childhood!

1983 - Kiss: Lick It Up

Kiss took off their makeup? I couldn't believe it!

I knew of Kiss because I had an Ewok movie (Star Wars) on the same VHS tape as Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. The Ewok movie was a Lucas Film afterthought... a "made for TV" movie that had the little bear looking creatures from Return of the Jedi. Kiss Meets the Phantom of The park was another "made for TV" movie from 1978 that featured Kiss as a rock band/super heroes that saved a theme park from an evil and maniacal roller-coaster and prop engineer. It's a lot like a Scoobie Doo episode! That was one of my favorite VHS tapes growing up.

In 1983 Kiss released Lick It Up. My brother Tommy had the record, and I was shocked. I readily noticed the KISS logo on the album cover, but there were no comic book-like superheroes on the cover! What happened? I couldn't fathom it. I remember going to the basement and seeing my brothers' stack of records, and Lick It Up was in the front for a while. I would walk past it and stare at Gene Simmons long tongue.

My previously favorite KISS member Ace Frehley wasn't even pictured. Where was Space Ace? He had left the band, and they replaced him with this Randy Rhoads/George Lynch type (read fast) guitar player named Vinny Vincent. It would be years later when I found out that Vincent wrote many of the songs on the Lick it Up album. From a "guitar history" perspective, Jackson guitars were made for Ozzy Osbourne guitarist Randy Rhoads. Randy died in a plane crash in 1982. Vinny Vincent would go on playing the same Jackson "offset V" guitar prototyped, developed, and named after Randy Rhoads. Vincent was one of the few to want to play the guitar and keep its popularity strong in the guitar industry. I think without Vincent's and a few others' desire to play the guitar, the Jackson Randy Rhoads model might have disappeared.

In 1983, Ace Frehley started a band called Frehley's Comet. His drummer Anton Fig would appear later in 2009 in one of my favorite blues/rock bands. It's actually really funny to see photos of him in a metal outfit next to Ace Frehley.

I also came to find out what Ace looked like without makeup. The dude is UGLY. Not that it mattered. His face was banged up from fights and car wrecks he'd been in. Although I missed the makeup, Frehley's Comet still featured a lightning bolt outfit not entirely different than something Jimmy Page would have worn in the 70's, and Ace's signature Smoking Les Paul guitar.



I would grow through my childhood years really liking the band Kiss even without makeup, but always wishing that they would get Ace back AND put back on the makeup.

I won't lie, I've blown out birthday candles wishing for that to happen... so I can say some birthday wishes come true! (eventually) Conan O'Brien announced the press release in 1996... it was SO cool. But I will be talking more about this later.

1983 - Every Breath You Take

The Police - Synchronicity album

The music video for Every Breathe You Take was one I'll always remember. This was WAY before we had cable at our house... and I didn't know what Mtv was. I was at my Auntie Ann's house. My sister, my Mom and I were visiting her and my cousins Jennifer and Jimmy. There was a band or a guy playing a stand up bass and playing a song I knew from the radio. I didn't know if it was live, or what channel it was even on. I knew the TV was color because of the commercials so I couldn't figure out why the video was in black and white. Looking back at this video you can sort of see why the Police broke up. Sting was sort of the focus, and it didn't really seem like a band.




The Police had other hits on the Synchronicity album like Wrapped Around Your Finger. It was a good, but very dark ballad. I wouldn't really notice that song and others on the album until college. "Wrapped" also apparently had the interest of pop artist John Mayer, who happens to be the same age as my sister. Mayer included a lyric about Wrapped Around Your Finger in his song called 1983. "It's a bitter sweet feeling hearing Wrapped Around Your Finger on the radio." Songs can take you back to a time and place. I myself have hundreds of them; that is the sole reason I chose to write this autobiography.

Even overrated rapper Puff Daddy thought to make reference to the Police. He ended up rewriting some of the Every Breath You Take lyrics and doing a Biggie Smalls rapper tribute. The rapper Notorious B.I.G. was shot and killed, and Puff Daddy's "I'll be missing you" version of Every Breath You Take took off in popularity. I was in college at the time, and I wasn't really a fan of the remake. You won't be seeing post about it when i reach the 1999 posts. Puff Daddy is a rapper who changed his name half a billion times and got popular riding other artist's coat-tails. Hence the tribute song. Just my two cents. I will post it so you can decide for yourself.

Wham! And Toys R Us

The first dose of George Michael came in Wham! This music is now what I like to call "mall" music. It gives you a little spring in your step while you're shopping. When I was little, we went to the mall. KayBee Toys was the LAST place we would go before we left for home. I remember walking past it umpteen times while my mom and sister go to all these clothing stores. It wasn't until years later when I discovered HotRocks... the rock t-shirt store in the center isle of the mall.

Toys R Us had not yet made it to Appleton, it was in Green Bay at the time. The drive was probably a 30 minutes north. This was around a decade before the "441 bypass" was put in, that basically cut the bottom way around the outside of Appleton. We had to drive to Little Chute and take N to 41 North to get up to Green Bay. I thought that Green Bay was like heaven. It had a) the Green Bay Packers, and b) Toys R' Us!

In my 20's, I figured out that my Mom had the perfect scam. Step one: take my sister and I to Toys R Us. My cousin Ben and I are only about three months apart in age. At Toys R Us, my Mom would say "do you think Ben would like THIS for Christmas?" and of course if I liked it I would say "yes." So we put it in the cart thinking that's what we were getting my cousin for Christmas. We got him a ton of stuff for some reason... and I would forget all about this. Christmas day comes later in the year and I am opening up the EXACT same things. Santa brought them for me!




The Toy's R Us theme song was addictive. "I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid..." even adults sang that song. We tend to make fun of titles and slogans. Our family ended up calling the store Toys are NOT Us. But it didn't stop there... we renamed the grocery store Pick 'N Save "booger bank," KMart "KFart," ShopKO "snotKO," and Burger King "booger fling." It's likely I'm forgetting a long list of other examples. This was way before people started calling Taco Bell alternative nicknames! This behavior was not considered naughty, my parents got a big kick out of it. Perhaps these were just early displays of creativity. Thank God these flashes of fun were not squandered by strict child rules & "proper" manners.


By the time Toys R Us came to Appleton in the late 80's early 90's, there was no more Wham!, there was only George Michael. I'll talk about those albums later on. Can anyone even name the other guy in Wham! without Googling it??? I would only get to enjoy the benefits of a local Toys R Us for about 5 or so years. After that, CD stores and guitar shops became more interesting than a toy store. That's what happens when you grow up.... even if "you don't want to grow up."

Movies, TV Shows, and movie soundtracks of the early 80's

Movie soundtracks & TV Shows were big in the 80's, from what I could remember.

When I was very little, these were movies floating around our house: Mel Brooks' History of the World Pt. 1, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas starring Dolly Parton, Porky's, and Tom Hanks in Bachelor Party. This is a musical autobiography, but there is something to be said about movie soundtracks... they were really good for the time. With exception to music, my parents were pretty strict about TV & movies; but I ended up being exposed to some of it in small doses regardless because my older brothers played them. My family was strict on values, trust, and responsibilities

VHS rentals were on the cutting edge of technology and my family slowly embraced it. Eventually going to a Catholic grade school must have evened out any mind tainting I could have received from watching VHS tapes and/or my older brothers. I was a good kid. Plus, from what I've heard... the tighter the leash, the louder it snaps. I've seen it happen. Metaphorically, I was the youngest of four - so I don't think I had a proverbial "leash." My parents knew what was going on, I mean they already had three kids more than likely go through whatever I was at the time... so from my perspective, they let me slide because my older siblings broke them in. In my siblings' eyes, I just never got in trouble.

The Incredible Hulk TV Show

I used call him the "credible Hulk" ... which sort of make him sound like he would be a good witness in court. I used to REALLY like the show with exception to one part. When Lou Ferrigno turned from human to the incredible hulk, it TOTALLY freaked me out. I used to run up and down the hall screaming until it was over. Then I'd sit back down and watch the Hulk kick butt and take names! I remember having Incredible Hulk pajamas and whatnot.

Dukes of Hazzard TV Show

The "Good old Boys" from Hazzard County were ALL the rage when I was really little. So much to the point where I had tons of Dukes of Hazzard "General Lee" matchbox cars. I would lose them constantly, so my mom would just keep an extra in her pocket for when I'd freak out. Bo and Luke Duke were fun to watch, but why did they never opened their doors? I saw it had door knobs, so I thought they were just being cool. Story is they were welded shut because it's a racecar, but then why have door handles on it? I digress.

The characters on this show were priceless... a corrupt fatman running things that constantly eats, a long legged damsel named Daisy Duke who popularized very very short jean shorts. And a father figure in Uncle Jesse. Even the town mechanic Cooter was a great character on the show. Most memorably, the sheriff's name was Roscoe P Coletrane, and he weilded a revolver and a hound named Flash. We had a doberman named Flash.

The one thing that lives in our family to this day is a deviation of one of Roscoe's sayings... his laugh actually. Although it sounds like "goo-goo!" We heard it as "Q-Q." Whenever Roscoe did something sneaky, fun, or feels accomplished for whatever reason, he would say that. We took a cue from that and started saying "Q-Q!" whenever we did something worthy. Texters and bloggers of today would instead say FTW or "for the win." Same thing. :) Q-Q!

Prince's 1999 Album

Prince's 1999 album was released in 1982.

In contrast to Tommy, my brother Mike was a huge fan of Prince. Don't get me wrong, everyone at the time loved Prince, but Mike was fanatic. He had the Purple Rain Poster on his wall, and had most all of his records. The year 1999 seemed like so far away when this album was written... almost as if it would never come. At least I couldn't imagine it. That's a little funny considering this is being written eleven years after 1999. I must say that how we pictured 1999 as a society in 1982 is vastly different than what it actually was. We never got our hovercrafts or George Jettson-like technologies. Did someone fail, or was the future over-projected? Popular Mechanics Magazine was one of the biggest offenders of this future projection. My dad got a subscription of it, and it really raised my standards of what I thought the future would be like. I also never did the math as a child that I'd be a college student in 1999.

FAST FOWARD... TO 1999

The song 1999 did have more relevance when I went to college. My freshman year spanned the Fall of 1998 through the Spring of 1999. I was single the entire time - which was rare for me. That New Year's Eve I went down to Milwaukee to party in a hotel room with my best friend from college, Matt. We became close during my freshman year at St. Norbert College playing football. Since he was a second year quarterback and I was a first year wide receiver, there was lots for me to learn about the offensive system. Our college playbook was like a phonebook, and I couldn't understand the lingo fast enough to have it ready for practice the next day. Matt really helped me out with getting the schemes down; and even helped me recognize who the QB looks at first on pass plays, how to read defenses, etc. We hit it off from there and are still good friends to this day. So when New Years came, he invited me to party with his friends in Milwaukee.

It was the first New Years holiday since early high-school I could remember not having a girlfriend. Matt had a tight-knit group from high school, and I thought it'd be cool to celebrate the new year in "the big city." We went to this fancy Italian family style restrauant called Bucca de Beppos. They knew someone who worked there, and they totally hooked us up. I was introduced at the time to deep fried calamari. Everything was on huge plates you just passed around. It was really good food, and fun to experience a place like that.

After dinner, we went back to a hotel near Matt's parents' house. There might have been two rooms. The one I stayed in seemed to be the party room. Friends came and left almost as fast as I was introduced. It was loads of fun. I ended up crashing in one of the two beds in that room, coincidentally in between two girls that were close to Matt's girlfriend at the time. After being single for months, waking up in between two cuddly girls was a great way to start a new year; even if nothing "happened." When you're 19 and a freshman in college, it's still a big confidence booster. I continued a friendship with one of them throughout college. New Years was the best day to party like it's 1999, because it WAS 1999.

I think Dick Clark's New Years program on TV featured Prince performing his song live. The song "1999" was all over the place. Meanwhile, Prince was, and still is today, one of the most underrated guitarists. This guy can really shred. I'd take the "Pepsi Challenge" with almost any other guitar player in terms of note definition, speed and clarity. Combine that with top notch song writing and I don't even care how weird the guy is...it's golden.

"I was dreaming when I wrote this." So sue me if it went astray.